GOING TO THE CHAPEL

HOLYLGM
This past weekend my brother Smokey's son Blinky got married. Two years in the planning, the affair was nothing less than spectacular. Full on Catholic (with a big C") ceremony, bridesmaids, groomsmen, double best men and matrons of honor, tuxes, froo-froo gowns, tenors in the balcony, a smiling priest, videographers and camera girl danced the matrimonial dance. We all guessed at the price tag. No one was talking, but I'd put it way up near 50k. That may sound reasonable to some of you out there. If it does, we have nothing in common. Since this is family I'll bite my tongue and back away from sermonizing over the opulent waste. You can guess what I would say, given the oportunity.
As decadent as the ceremony was, it paled in comparison to the reception. Imagine Tavern on The Green- CT style. Lights, fountains, open bar, DJ, prime rib, fancy sweets, and more, and more, and.... At midnight the father of the bride and father of the groom ponied up some more cash to keep it going for another half hour. Then the shuttle buses started ferrying the drunk guests back to the Holiday Inn (where 50 rooms were rented for the crowd). Here's where the fun started. My shitfaced nephew Rocky ended up swapping spit with the drunkest girl at the party. Like matching socks finding each other in the dryer, these two plastered individuals, who had not even spoken the entire evening, ended up dry humping in the front of the shuttle van, as relatives looked on in horror. Later he would claim he was "blind sided". Blond sided was more like it.
Once back at the hotel we room hopped for a a matter of minutes before the cops showed up. It seems a few of the frat boy guests had come back early and one of Smokey's buds (a lawyer no less), had it out with security calling him a "cocksucker", amongst other things. Five-O was promptly called. Now, it's usually your humble narrator that ends up in the shit with the law, but this time the cops blew past me screaming at some Corona holding college student to get back in his rooms, and when I turned to face the gun toting gentlemen they said- "Not you sir. You're fine." I smiled and nodded. "Keep up the good work officers." I said giving them the thumbs up. "I paid for a good night's sleep." Then I found another room full of beer and drunks and continued the mayhem. God bless the happy couple.