WITH JACK AND I

"You OK, grandpa?" The words are sweet and compassionate, and come from the mouth of the skinny fashion model holding my hair back, as i retch into the bowl. Of course I don't answer, being too busy having my gut tighten and my balls sweat to muster a response. How did "gramps" get himself in this position? Two words- Jack Daniels.

Just like when i was a kid if i could bring a birthday gift to a party, that I could also play with......all the better. The occasion was Slick's birthday held at Mary Louise and Horst's place in Williamsburg. I stopped at the liquor store on the way down the mountain, picking up a 5th of JD. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

The party was in full swing when that tall guy from the movie KIDS came in. He looked more fucked up than I (and is the only famous guy I can namedrop). I had taken over polaroid duty and Horst and I were both pouring heavy . All of the sudden it hit me. Jack had me by the throat and was not about to release his grip. I should have known better. I'm usually smarter than this. TOO LATE.

From here on in it gets sketchy. I remember Mary Louise leading me to bed. I remember feeling like I was going to die. I remember birds tweeting.

In the morning (afternoon) I struggled to my feet and was about to step out of the room when I thought I should peek out first, to see who was in the room. And so I pulled the curtain to one side....

I froze. Instead of a set of stairs an 8 foot drop lay just the other side of the curtain. How the hell did i get up here? The i thought that if i hadn't peered out first, or had to puke again in the night, I would have just stumbled out of the room.....to my death, hit me hard. My head was splitting. Eventually I discovered a small door to the right of the curtain and a narrow catwalk leading to a set of stairs. Even if i had found the door I doubt if I could've navigated the plank. In a way Jack had saved my life by rendering me comatose.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not suggesting that you get blind drunk on JD nor make a fool of yourself with the youth. But, just in case you do, always peek out the door before exiting the guest room. That first step can be a doozy. Grandpa out.