#9818783

I'm watching TV Guide Channel coverage of Paris Hilton's recent incarceration. One reporter is outside the jail giving us minute to minute updates of PH in lock up. "Today Paris had turkey and baloney for lunch." A friend tells us she's stepping up and doing a "Martha Stewart." Dig it. My girl can do her time like the righteous bee-otch she is. All you nay sayers and dickweeds who clapped at the MTV awards can kiss my cracker ass. PH is paying for your sins. How can you turn on her like that? You have created America's favorite psycho -nacissistic spokesmodel and now you want to lock her up 23 hours a day for 23 days? Are you fucking serious? How can you be so catty?
I've let the cats in the house to watch the TV Guide Channel special "Paris in Prison". Lindsay Lohan immediately sprays on the chair and Mussolini screams and climbs up the wall as Madonna Boots paces back and forth in front of the TV. This may be a mistake. Paris Hitler and Nicole are now the most civilized, well behaved cats in the room. Lights on- 6am. Breakfast- 7am. Pepper steak tonight for dinner. Paris' mug shot is "hot". In the cell: read, write and arts and crafts. Shower? TV time- one hour. The cats are transfixed.
The asshole pundits seem to think this will be good for Paris. "PH wants to be a role model." they sneer. I try to explain to the cats my obsession with PH and how I think she's misunderstood and sometimes find myself wanting to cuddle her and tell her....Lindsey Lohan bites a chunk out of Nicole and Mussolini takes a crap in the corner. Paris is sitting behind bars and these cats are out of control. I can only stand one hour of TV Guide. OJ's still playing golf. Spring PH! Stop the MADNESS!