NEW BILLIES IN THE 'HOOD

The first sign I had of my new neighbors was the dozen or so vehicles pulled into snow banks and mud trenches carved in front of the schoolhouse. I had sold the property over a year ago and up until now it had been occupied by a bunch of Polish construction workers. They were quiet, neat and kept to themselves. Now the work van was gone, replaced by bed frames, scrap metal and a diminutive ferris wheel placed just so, punctuating the chaos. A Hollywood set crew couldn't have done a better job at portraying instant Cletusville. I felt the old Schoolhouse's pain.
A few days later i got a phone message from another trailor hick living back on one of the exstention roads. "You seen that mess in the corner?" he asked my machine. "We all have to call the town." BEEP! I'd just started to recuperate from my Game Park fight. Now I had to go after the mouth breathers down the road? I decided to go down for a better look. A pot bellied guy dressed like one of those cavemen in the Geico commercial welcomed me with a sneer and spread out arms, as if to say "What the fuck are you looking at?" In fact that's exactly what he did say. "Just checking out your...." I almost said mess "...your cars." I said with a smile. "I'm your neighbor." This disarmed him a little. I think he was expecting a welcome wagon basket of take out menus and potpourie. He told me how the phone message neighbor threatened him and how he was not one to be threatened and.... I started to glaze over and made some excuse and split. This ain't exactly Wysteria Lane.
The next day I went out to my car and found three, count 'em THREE business cards stuck in my car window. Card #1- I Droped a youn G man Here last night from Hilllsale apt 1 at 12:45 am owes comp. $35. Card #2- I expect you to call cab compani between 12 pm and 2 pm on 3-4-07 about payment. Card #3- I have your plate #. I will go to police If payment iz not made. I called the cab co. and they told me they dropped a kid off at my place and he said I was his brother and he was going in the back door to get the money. The cabbie waited for 15 minutes then started writing. If he had banged on my door I probably would have shot him. I followed fresh tracks in the snow around the back of my house and over the chainlink fence. i didn't bother to cross the fence.
I'm not saying it was my new neighbors who stiffed the cab, but while I was talking to the caveman two greasey haired, sullen, saggy assed youth were standing in the background. I know you shouldn't judge a book so to speak, but these kids looked just like I did at their age. Trouble. It could be the ATV maniacs behind me on a late night drug run. Either way. In the meantime all my doors are locked and all my guns are loaded. Welcome to neighborhood. Stop by anytime for coffee and some chit chat.