N****R

Recently the language police have been very busy. Across the country city councils have been outlawing the use of the N word. There's one thing I want to say in response to this: WHAT THE FUCK, NIGGERS? Don't get me wrong. I'm not a big fan of gratuitous use of this word, but with my rather limited vocabulary I feel it is important to have all the verbal colors in my palette available. Say there's one big nigger of a snowstorm brewing off the northeast coast and and all us niggers are scambling around buying milk and bread and twinkies for the little niggers and checking that the old niggers driveways are plowed out and that nigger of a car will start and we've got beer and smokes and candles and batteries in case the nigger electric goes out.....how would I even talk about this event without the use of the n word? I sure hope those niggers plow the road this time.
Now I'll be the first to admit that sometimes government interference can help. An earlier daylight savings time is kinda nice and the double shot of taxing cigarettes up to $8 a pack and banning smoking cigs in bars has helped the air and even cured me of bumming loosies. I propose we take it one step further. Instead of banning the n word lets reapply to something everyday.....something kinda worthless...like say- cigarettes. A one letter change turns this word into nigarettes. This helps on both fronts, retaining the shock value of an ugly word and helping people with an unhealthy habit. "Gimme a pack of nigarettes. Can I bum a nigar? Here let me light your nig." Eventually smoking and the use of the n word will cease entirely. Just a thought. Now I have to go to the store before that snow storm hits, buy milk, bread and one last pack of fags before the letter change.